I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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