24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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