No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its not stalking. its research.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
