I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
