We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
