Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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