They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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