the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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