I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
