I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
