He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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