I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
