Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
