I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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