I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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