why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
