barbara walters just said penis...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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