Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
