The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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