I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
