The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
