some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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