Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
