Cold hands, warm shart.
actually, I'm a sock model
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
