They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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