it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
