She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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