I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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