Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
