i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?