can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?