cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dicks are not precious.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage