Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
