Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point