i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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