He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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