well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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