cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize