Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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