Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
