my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i've created a new STD.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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