They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
