I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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