You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
