Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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