Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
