Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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