phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
