did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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