Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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