its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
