All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
