And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
whose parrot is this?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The adults are the big ones right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
