dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
