Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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