accomplished twins. life is a go
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
