The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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