I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
