so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
