Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
