I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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