When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
