it hurts more in the daytime
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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