do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
