i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
