What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
