Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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