As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
