This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
