Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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