Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
