we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
