Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
