Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
