im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
