you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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