Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
